


The Ghosts that Linger

by FunkyinFishnet



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-02
Updated: 2010-03-02
Packaged: 2017-10-07 15:52:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/66667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkyinFishnet/pseuds/FunkyinFishnet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'The Boy in the Library' Rose is furious that she wasn't warned about regeneration and goes to confront her friend hiding in the TARDIS library. But who is it she's really angry with?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ghosts that Linger

"Adric!"

Rose couldn't remember ever being this angry before. She hoped she'd managed to hide it from the Doctor, who she'd had a cup of tea and quick chat with after she'd brought more stuff from the flat into her TARDIS bedroom. Now he was preoccupied with checking that all the TARDIS systems were functioning normally after the earlier crash landing and she had headed for the library in a growing furious temper. She'd nearly slammed the library doors shut but then the Doctor would have asked what had happened and then she'd have to explain why she was so angry. Yeah, she could see that going well.

_The ghost of one of your companions didn't tell me bout you bein' able to regenerate. Sorry I couldn't tell you bout him before, he thinks you blame yourself for his death._

Adric was nowhere to be found. Usually he'd appear as soon as she got through the doors, but now, nothing. He was probably hiding in the databanks or something. He knew she was here, Rose was sure of that, and he knew she was angry. He had every reason to bloody hide.

"Adric!" she yelled again, storming past the first bookcases. "I know you're here, so come out!"

All Rose could hear was the TARDIS engines. He was definitely hiding. Anger grew inside her chest. God, he had known about this, he had to have! When she'd sat opposite this new Doctor with his thick hair and chatty mouth, a fragment of something Adric had said to her the first time they'd met had entered her mind.

The Doctor was different when I knew him. He was blonde and wore cricket whites

That had made her laugh at the time, at the ridiculous improbable image it brought up and she'd put it down to some sort of stupid fashion mistake the younger Doctor had made. Now though she thought that Adric had been telling her something important. Almost like he was hinting at what was to come. Couldn't he have just told her?

Just as Rose was about to yell again, golden sparkles poured from the ceiling pipes and gathered beside a nearby bookcase. It didn't even make her jump anymore. Adric formed from the mist, leaning against a bookcase and looking somewhere far into the distance.

"He's changed again."

He didn't even look at Rose as he spoke and his words were quiet and hitched. Rose gritted her teeth, he was not going to make her feel sorry for him. Not after all that she'd just gone through.

"You knew, didn't ya? You knew about regeneration," her voice was forceful and raising in volume. "An' you didn't tell me. You didn't think I might want to know!"

Adric finally turned to look at her with hollow eyes. Strangely for a ghost he looked like he hadn't slept in a long time.

"How could you possibly have understood such a complex alien idea?" he asked dully. "You wouldn't have believed me."

"You could have explained! Shown me stuff in the console room," Rose pressed on, her anger building in a rush with inexplicable tears and betrayal. "You could have made me understand, helped me prepare for all this stuff. God, Adric! He changed into someone else! A different face, body, everything an' he's actin' like nothins happened. An' you could have told me!"

"You think I didn't want to tell you?" Adric's voice rose now and he glared back at her.

"No, you think I'm too stupid or too emotional or too human to understand!" shouted back Rose. "I could have understood, if you'd explained it to me, told me about it."

"No, I couldn't!" now Adric's voice was raised and he looked resolute and tense. "The Doctor didn't want you to know!"

That froze Rose's next words on her lips. She glared hard at Adric out of narrowed eyes, hands on her hips, trying to work out if he was telling her the truth. He didn't even flinch. His words twisted in her gut.

"The Doctor didn't want me to know?" she repeated, her voice small.

"It wasn't because he thought you wouldn't understand. He thinks you're bright, intelligent even. A cut above the rest of your backwards species," Adric reassured her. "But he didn't think you'd understand how much he'd change. None of us were ever prepared for that."

"Well I understand now, don't I!"

They glared at each other silently. But Adric didn't yell back again. His eyes were full of sadness and pain. Rose felt her anger sag and her posture relax. She'd expected Adric to keep fighting back – he could be really hot headed when she didn't grasp some concept right away or immediately work something out. They'd had a lot of fights since that first meeting in the library. But he seemed resigned and sad now.

"How do you know the Doctor didn't want me to know?" she asked curiously at last. "You…you haven't talked to him, have you?"

"No! No matter how much his body changes, his guilt is still there," cut in Adric gloomily. "I know because the TARDIS told me. Her strong telepathic bond with the Doctor allows her to understand things about him that we never will. The TARDIS made it clear to me that the Doctor wanted regeneration kept from you until he told you himself."

Rose raised an eyebrow sceptically and crossed her arms.

"You're tellin' me that the TARDIS thinks. It's like a human being or something," she pointed out. "I know its special and can do all this weird amazing stuff. But that's just impossible."

"It's not logical," agreed Adric. "But this ship, I've never been able to fully understand it. Its design and circuitry is immensely intricate and brilliant. Even now I'm part of it, I can't make sense of it. The TARDIS still blocks me off from certain databanks and circuits. It's a mystery and it's very powerful."

"How did the TARDIS tell you about the Doctor? I mean, it's not like it's got a voice or anything," Rose paled. "It hasn't, has it!"

"I heard it in my head. It was singing," Adric smiled and gold sparkles fizzed from his fingers. "I could see gold. It sounds completely ridiculous, I know, but it is true. That's what happens every time it wants to communicate something to me."

It sounded familiar to Rose. She frowned, half-remembered images filling her mind suddenly. Daleks breaking up and gold sparkles everywhere and singing, overpowering overwhelming singing. She glanced up at Adric and saw him looking back at her almost expectantly, waiting for her to voice her thoughts.

"That sounds like something I remember," she ventured at last. "Something that happened when the Doctor changed. Back on the Game Station when the Daleks were there and the Doctor sent me away."

"I know that the TARDIS helped you get back to the satellite," offered Adric, an odd almost proud smile on his face. "It helped stop the Daleks and it took you and the Doctor into the Vortex for safety."

_I want you safe. My Doctor_

Suddenly Rose had an image in her head of herself, looking down at the Doctor, the old Doctor, the one she'd first met. He was crouched on the floor and looking up at her with fear and wonder in his pale ageless eyes. She was glowing gold. Rose closed her eyes in frustration and rubbed her suddenly aching head. Was this a dream? A premonition or something? Or was it a memory?

"Do you know what happened to me back then?" she asked eager and sudden, opening her eyes. "You were here, in the TARDIS. You must know!"

"The TARDIS won't tell me," Adric replied shortly and looking distinctly grumpy.

"But you were here!"

"Of course I was! Where else could I go!" retorted Adric fiercely before sighing and refusing to meet her gaze. "If you must know, the TARDIS kept me locked out of the console room. I couldn't see what was happening. The TARDIS told me that you both helped save the Doctor and bring him to safety. But I do remember hearing you sing."

"What!"

"When the TARDIS locked me out, I heard it singing in my head and your voice was there as well. You were both singing the same song."

_Gold, so much gold, and voices that didn't stop._

Rose shrugged, unconsciously mimicking Adric's posture by stuffing her hands in her pockets. What she couldn't remember was an itching annoyance in her head that she desperately wanted to get rid of.

"I just…I wish I knew what happened," she admitted. "There's like, gaps in my mind. The last thing I remember is openin' up the central console with Mum and Mickey's help. That's all. Then it's all gold and singin' and nothin'."

Adric studied her keenly then paused, as though listening to something. Rose shifted a little uncomfortably under his gaze.

"You looked into the heart of the TARDIS," murmured Adric finally, staring at her with surprise and was that awe? "No one's supposed to survive that."

"Yeah, I was the lucky one," muttered Rose bitterly. "I lived an' the Doctor died. An' I'm still mad at you!"

"Human's hold such petty grudges," Adric grumbled. "The TARDIS was very insistent I didn't say anything. If I said anything, anything that might have helped you work it out, she would have shut me down."

"Shut you down?" Rose was confused.

"Yes, shut me down! The TARDIS is in control of what's left of me, and apparently I'm just part of a machine that can be turned on and off. I'm disposable."

Adric was the one angry now. His expression looked hurt but he turned quickly before Rose could be sure and marched off into the library, leaving her frozen still for a few moments. The TARDIS would shut him down? Just to do what the Doctor wanted? Talk about loyalty. Shaking herself from her daze, she set off after Adric. She found him a little further in sitting down on a comfortable-looking armchair. As he drew his knees up to his chin, Rose was reminded of a small child and shivered. He'd already died once; to be threatened with dying again must have really scared him. But he was so animated and lively, if not also annoying and smug on many occasions. Sometimes Rose forgot that he was nothing more than memory fed into the databanks. It made her feel slightly sick.

"The TARDIS would do that?" she asked softly, nearing his chair.

"Yes, she would," Adric's voice was muffled from where his face was buried against his knees. Then he raised his face to look at her and Rose was sure that if he'd been flesh, she'd have seen tears. "It wasn't just because you wouldn't understand."

"Oh? Why was it then?"

More secrets? Rose steeled herself for the worst, her fingernails digging into her palms.

"He thought if you knew he'd change like this, you'd leave him. He didn't want to be alone."

God, he'd really thought that? Alright, so not many blokes she knew could change their face but this was the Doctor. She'd seen him at his worst, when death had to be dealt to save the universe, when he was all righteous fury and insulted her species, when he was rude and uncompromising. She hadn't left him then.

"It'll take more than that to get rid of me," she said defiantly out loud.

Adric gave a small smile and rubbed a sparkling hand across his face.

"I know, but the Doctor can be particularly ignorant at times. He cares and he's scared and he doesn't want to lose you."

Now it was Rose's turn to smile. That was the Doctor all right, caring and afraid at the same time because of what might happen. The old Doctor anyway, this one was different. Yeah, the face had changed and the clothing too (she was only just getting used to pinstripes replacing leather) but it was the inside that had changed the most. He was louder and brighter and more casual and open. That had freaked her out. Her Doctor didn't talk so much when he was dealing with things; he shut her out and swanned off. God, he was so different. Rose's smile faded.

"Were you around when the Doctor regenerated?" she asked quickly before she lost her nerve, dropping down into a nearby wooden chair and suddenly desperate not to feel so alone in this unique situation.

"Yes, yes I was. It was different to your's," Adric's face twisted in remembered pain and he focused his gaze on his hands. "My Doctor, the one I met, fell from a high radioscope tower. He was fighting to save the universe while we were distracting the security men. We could only watch."

"Who was he fightin'?"

"An old friend," Adric looked at her seriously, his story paused. "Don't ask the Doctor about him."

Rose nodded, more aware than ever of how much Adric knew that she didn't. There was so much the Doctor kept from her about his past. Questions filled her head. What sort of friend was the Doctor fighting that ended up with him dying?

"How…how did he die? The Doctor, I mean," she asked quietly, suddenly aware of the silence and the engines again.

"He fell," replied Adric shortly, his eyes full of the past and a slight shake in his hands. "He fell and landed on the ground hard. Most of his bones probably shattered."

Adric's voice sounded distant. He was trying to step outside of what he'd seen. Rose tried to imagine being there, watching helpless as the man she cared so much about fell and died in front of her.

"Then he changed," continued Adric with a sort of wistful sigh. "Suddenly he was young and completely different to before. He needed our help. We weren't used to that. Tegan had only met the old Doctor that day and that was by accident."

That name was familiar now. As Rose had met up with Adric more between running for her life and helping save the day, he'd told her about his TARDIS crewmates and shown her filed photographs. It was weird to think of these three vastly different people from different times and planets all sharing adventures on the TARDIS with the Doctor. There were twinges of something uncomfortably like jealously when she'd seen how young and pretty the girls had been: delicate clever Nyssa and bolshy brassy Tegan. They and Adric had seen the Doctor change. They knew what it was like to see the man they depended on so much become a different person.

"Seeing him change, it was like some sort of dream or a nightmare," she said quietly. "I didn't know what was happenin'! He could have been dying or being possessed or somethin' and I didn't know. I just stood there and watched."

"There was nothing you could have done to stop it," Adric told her firmly. "After my Doctor changed, I went through this library and did masses of equations, trying to think of someway that the regeneration could be reversed. But it can't be done. It's part of Time Lord biology and even I don't fully understand that."

There was a pause as Rose watched Adric uncoil himself slightly, blinking away invisible tears. As she wiped at her own suddenly wet eyes, Rose thought she saw other people sat there. It happened a lot when she was with Adric. He said he didn't feel anything and dismissed her claims by saying that the TARDIS's memory banks were quite full and probably prone to bugs. But Rose knew what she saw. She saw Tegan and Nyssa the most.

"Do you miss your old Doctor?" Rose asked quietly, not quite looking at Adric's ghostly face.

"I miss them both," confirmed Adric with a sad smile. "They let me stay here when I had nowhere else to go."

"Don't you ever want to go back and see your parents and stuff?"

"I never knew them. I was brought up by the community on Alzarius. The only family I knew was my brother, Varsh," replied Adric curtly. "And he died soon after the Doctor arrived."

That was painfully familiar. Did that always happen wherever the Doctor landed Rose wondered. People dying trying to help him or stop him. Saving the day and seeing governments fall she was used to, but not the death. It still hurt every time she witnessed it. Adric's only real family had died and he'd still gone with the Doctor. If Mickey had died, would she have gone?

"I'm really sorry," she said softly. "I can't believe you still went with the Doctor after that."

"He didn't plan for me to," replied Adric with a mischievous expression. "I hid onboard the TARDIS. Nobody took me seriously at home and there wasn't anything for me there anyway so I left."

Rose looked at him sadly; he'd known death from such a young age.

"Dad died when I was little," she shared. "It was only me and Mum when I was growing up."

"But you still have her and your friends. They wait for you," Adric offered. "People who miss you when you're away with the Doctor and wish for you to come home."

Rose looked at him suspiciously. She was never sure just how much he knew about her past. What was he getting at now?

"Yeah, and?" she spoke cautiously.

"Do you want to go home, Rose Tyler?"

Adric's voice was solemn and serious and he was completely focused on her. Rose blinked in surprise, where had that question come from?

"Why would I want to do that?" she retorted, not liking the uncomfortable feeling uncoiling in her stomach.

"You came onboard to travel with a man who has now died. This isn't your Doctor; he's now someone different," Adric replied matter-of-factly. "You could go home, be with your mother and your friends. You could get a job and be safe."

Home. Did that word and the feeling of comfort and warmth still apply to that place in London? The council estate where everyone knew everyone's business and Mickey was accused of murder. A job in a boring department store. No, Rose corrected herself, if she went back she'd do something different. She'd go for some more qualifications; learn about history and physics and all the stuff the Doctor had slowly taught her. Then she'd think about a job, something more interesting and worthwhile than dealing with narky customers. Rose shook her head. Was she really considering this? Adric was studying her curiously.

"You're thinking about it," he announced. "You're thinking about what might happen if you go home."

Rose stared at him. Where had all that come from? Like a whole different future already mapped out in her head. Had she really thought of all that just now? A life away from the Doctor and, her mind whispered to her wickedly, it could be good. But it couldn't compare to her life onboard the TARDIS, no matter who was now the designated driver.

"That isn't my home anymore," she replied at last, trying to shake off the unsettling images in her head. "It hasn't been for ages. Anyway, you told me I can't leave him, that he needs me."

"But you can imagine a life without him."

"Yeah, I mean, I suppose….I could go back and make something happen," Rose admitted reluctantly before frowning at Adric. "Why are we talking about this?"

"I'm showing you your choices. You don't have to stay here with a man you don't know. You can go and have your own adventures. That's what most of us did."

Again images and ideas filled her head. Becoming an investigator maybe, like actually doing something about the problems she saw in the world. Working for a newspaper or a charity. Maybe not making loads of money but making a difference. She didn't think she could chose that though. Leaving the Doctor and the TARDIS where the past and future was theirs to roam and explore. The Doctor didn't do second chances; this one might not ask her back again.

"I don't know if I could give all this up," she said carefully, her thoughts still spinning between what she could have and what she did have. "Even if he is a stranger now, this is all too special to walk away from. I mean, I don't think he'd give me another chance, you know?"

"I know," Adric replied, nodding. "But sometimes being on the TARDIS means that you forget about choices. The Doctor does that, sort of throws you into trouble and blinds you to the life you could have. Nyssa's father was killed and her entire planet destroyed in front of her, there was no one for her to go back to. The Doctor was all she had until she grew stronger and realised she could help cure an incurable disease."

"It's not life back home," Rose shot back. "It felt like being trapped when I ended up back there and the Doctor was fighting the Daleks alone. It wasn't right and I knew I had to come back, I just knew. And now Jack's gone and the Doctor won't tell me where. The Doctor's changed, he's different and he thinks it isn't a big deal. It's hard but it's my life now. I can't let it go, there's so much out there to see and explore. It doesn't matter what he looks like."

Rose paused, surprised. A realisation had appeared through her words. The Doctor was still the Doctor, still doing mad things and causing trouble. He still had to make the hard choices and always tried to save the day. She'd seen that earlier today when he'd come back out of the TARDIS, confronted the Sycorax leader and then talked to her. He was still her Doctor and he was still alone in the universe. He did still need her, who else knew him as well as she did? Other companions had left him but she wasn't going to. It was going to take something huge to pry her away from him. Maybe even death, a voice whispered in her head, and a shiver ran down her spine.

Adric was grinning at her in a very self-satisfied way that made her cross her arms defensively. That look usually meant he'd worked out something quicker than her. All the seriousness was gone from his face and he was just a happy child again.

"What?" she asked suspiciously. "What're you lookin' at me like that for?" then things began clicking together in her head, all the sudden intense questions, the seriousness. "Were you…..were you **testin'** me?"

"I was double-checking a theory."

"You were testing me," she glared at him. "Checkin' I'm good enough to stay after the Doctor changes or somethin'? Cos I don't like being treated like that, Adric…."

"I was not doing that!" Adric cut in, offended. "I was merely checking that you're sure that you want to carry on travelling in the TARDIS. I know how hard it is to get used to a new Doctor. The new Doctor I got to know didn't turn out too badly. Can you get used to your's?"

Immediate comparisons flew through Rose's head. They were so different, the Doctors, and it made her head ache to think of them as the same person. It was going to be hard to travel with this one for a while, cos she knew she'd keep looking for a leather jacket and listen for a Northern accent, but she had to take the chance. She just knew it would be worth it.

"Yeah, I think I can." Rose murmured, remembering walking under the frozen waves of Woman Wept, running towards the London eye, and meeting Charles Dickens. "I can't give that up, even if he is different, and he'll probably get us thrown into jail at the next planet we stop at."

"That doesn't change," Adric agreed. "And he'll still tell you how clever he is and think he can talk his way out of trouble."

"This one does like talking."

"They all do," Adric paused. "He still carries my badge in his pocket."

He looked at her seriously again. Rose braced herself for another question.

"I know how hard it is to get used to another Doctor, when he acts like it's not a big change and we should get used to it as fast as he does. But he still cares for us and remembers all we've been through with him. You've got somewhere to go back to as well, that's important to hold on to. If you do decide to leave the Doctor one day, you'll always have a home to return to."

Rose smiled softly. Home was fun but she couldn't imagine ever living there again.

"I feel like I'm going crazy in here sometimes, when he talks and talks and forgets how much has changed. Sometimes, it's all too much," she admitted. "I'm glad you're here to talk to."

Adric seemed terribly interested in one of his shoes all of a sudden.

"Thank you, for coming to talk to me," he returned a little awkwardly.

"You're welcome," replied Rose with a soft laugh. "It's nice havin' someone here who understands. Mickey's jealous of the Doctor and Mum still hasn't forgiven him for taking me away in the first place. But you've done all this, you know what he's like. I'm really glad you're here."

Adric stared at his shoe harder and Rose tried hard not to laugh, wishing that she could reach out and squeeze his shoulder or something.

"Do you….do you miss the first Doctor you met?" she asked quietly.

"I think about him a lot," offered Adric with a wistful smile. "He was the one who first showed me how much there is to see and understand in the universe. He was so different to anyone else I'd ever met before, he seemed to be mad and unstable. I mean, I'd never met anyone who thought so fast and seemed to see fun in being threatened. He wore a long scarf all the time with a thick coat and hat, even when we were out in the scorching heat. I never forget him."

Rose nodded, she understood that. Her Doctor, all Northern sarcasm and extreme painful emotions, he never left her. The Doctor was impossible to forget.

"He's looking for you," Adric said suddenly, his head cocked to one side. "He's lonely too. The Doctor may act like we're all beneath him, but he hates to be alone. Especially now that he can't hear his people inside his head anymore. He's so alone. You're all he has."

"I know, and I know I've got people waiting for me back home, but the Doctor…..he understands me better than anyone back there does," she smiled, remembering a conversation that seemed so long ago, before the Slitheen in Downing Street, seeing her Dad die, Captain Jack and regeneration. "This life's better with two."

"Sometimes with more."

They both smiled, the ghost child and the shop girl completely understanding each other. They both loved this life. Then there was the sound of footsteps and the door swinging open.

"Rose? Rose, are you in here?" the Doctor's new voice called.

"Yeah, I'm here. I'm further in." Rose craned to see him amongst the jumbled bookshelves.

Then he sort of burst through a narrow gap, tie askew and eyes worried and hopeful.

"Forgot this place existed. I think there's a couple more libraries onboard the TARDIS somewhere. Wonder why the old girl directed you here?" he looked around curiously, taking everything in before settling on her. "Mind you, this one's got character. I wonder if I left that book about temporal physics in here? Come in useful for resetting the third triangular vector. Anyway, what are you doing in here? Thought I heard you talking to someone. Oh no, one's hiding onboard, are they? I used to have this habit of attracting stowaways. Never could work out why. I mean, it's not like there's a sign outside saying 'time and space ship, feel free to hop onboard.' Not that I know of anyway…."

"No, no…..I was just," Rose glanced over her shoulder. Of course Adric was gone. She turned back to the Doctor and took a deep cleansing breath. "I was talking to myself really. It's all been a lot to take in; Christmas, Syrcoax….."

"Regeneration," the Doctor finished for her, leaning against the nearest shelf. Rose was struck by how similar he looked to Adric with his hands in his pockets and fought against a smile she'd have to explain. But the Doctor was quiet and serious now, studying her with a hauntingly familiar expression. "Have you been hiding from me, Rose Tyler?"

He always could see right through her. She might be looking into brown eyes now instead of blue, but there was still that same feeling of being completely transparent. She didn't have to say anything because he already knew. Maybe she had been hiding, her head so full of confusing stuff that she'd gotten angry and run away to yell at the only other person she knew who understood. Now, though, now she was ready to move on. Rose smiled, took a step forward and slipped her hand into his.

"Not anymore."

_-the end_


End file.
